I've probably written and re-written this piece about ten times since I first started thinking about the concept, but I believe I finally have a solid perspective and almost 3 years of Daddy experience to confirm my findings. I was reminded of this amazing piece of advice when a good friend of mine; newly on the precipice of parenthood, had asked me what the best advice I could give him was. I thought for less time than I had imagined I would before answering with gusto and confidence; "the best advice I can give is to not take anyone else's advice".
It seems a little crass, and he actually thought I was joking but I genuinely believe that the best thing any new parent can do is ignore any advice they get from other parents or even their OWN parents for that matter. I learned just about everything I need to know about being a dad to my child from my actual child. "On the job training" some might call it... I prefer to call it "listening". There is a fear that comes with being a new parent that I believe stems from a fear of ruining or some how failing your child by being an inefficient parent. The fear of bad parenting creates uneccessary advice seeking and possibly also influences practices that just don't FIT for your child.
I believe every child is different, and because of that I felt that I (since I'm his closest genetic copy) was probably the most like my child than any other person on earth save for his Mom. Some of my friends advised us to "make sure he has a strict schedule" or "make his baby food", along with countless other well meaning love filled tidbits of knowledge given with the best intentions. Schedules never worked for me growing up, and by no surprise they just seem to upset my kid. I have however met and even cared for many children that absolutely need a strict schedule or else they may just melt down from stress. We try to have a set meal time each day but if he's not hungry I don't make him sit until he clears his plate, I believe some kids may need to be coaxed more into eating even though my kid is still alive and has a relatively "fleshy" tone to his skin which means he ain't starving... right?
Now I do not by any stretch endorse anyone telling a friend or family member to "butt out" or keep their information to themselves. I think we should continue to accept this data with appreciation and joy with the knowledge that there's a good chance that even though this may be your first child... you actually know what you are doing and you're going to be a great parent. I'm pretty confident that if I forget a change of clothes and my kid has to ride home in my backseat naked across town that he will still love me (theory tested and proven true). I know that my kid's teachers may tell me that he is hitting other kids at school COINCIDENTALLY the day after one of his parents MAY have shown him how to play "slug bug" (it's not his fault there are a BUNCH of toy Volkswagens in the class!).
So I hope you are able to take my advice and NOT take it at all.
-D
