Earn Your Happy

DISCLAIMER: The following post will most likely contain profanity, abstract analogy and at least one reference to a midget. I will say things like "do this" or "do that" and I am in no way trying to boss you around; this is my opinions 'n junk and you don't HAVE to read it. I mean no offense and I love all of the Earth's creatures... so get your salt shaker out and lets do this.

For about 6-8 months I've been wrestling with understanding this weird "entitlement" that seems to have infiltrated the American psyche. Somewhere we all started believing that we "deserved" happiness and that we just need to keep on putting one foot in front of the other and not settle; Meanwhile the depression rate keeps rising and there seems to be more and more negative press saturating our media outlets. I have an alternate view that I believe proves to be much more constructive and WAY less "ya ya sisterhood"... being that I've essentially shared this same view with 3 close friends today I figured a higher power was telling me to share it with you too.

YOU DO NOT DESERVE ANYTHING. The boomerang theory applies here; you don't simply deserve happiness because you are alive but you will get what you give and it comes back around. Accept that you need to actually put in some work to be happy and quit expecting happy to happen to you. Step one of working at happy is to recognize and OWN your baggage. You have baggage, sorry honey but we all do. Where we start believing that we DON'T have baggage is when we end up around someone else that has different baggage and we say "whoa! that dude has some BAGGAGE!". Listen sweetheart; families travel with baggage and if the baggage looks all different it just causes confusion... so we just need to build our family with people whom have SIMILAR baggage so it's easier to keep it all organized. If you THINK you don't have any issues or baggage... you probably have the most of anyone you know and the refusal to accept it will poison you and keep you bouncing from experience to experience trying to find that perfect fit and always finding something you just can't deal with. Look inside, you know it to be true (Luke).

YOU CAN'T MAKE ANYONE HAPPY. Your "job" if you want to even call it that is to simply let the people you care about go out there and earn their own happiness. Everyone has to do the work and if you try to do it for them you are just creating a little temporary happy version of you in someone else (which is kind of like a midget version of you crawling into a mechanical suit of the other person... which is really creepy). When you look at someone and think "I wish they would just do this so they could be happy..." what you are really saying is: "it would make me happy if this person did this because I THINK it would make them happy". Let go and let the ones you love earn their happiness and celebrate it when they do.

QUIT DREAMING AND DO IT. We've all had that moment when we are like "I wish I could..." or "If only I had...". If you want to change jobs (don't quit right now and start hunting... especially if you have kids) then you need to DO WORK. Research your options, update your resume' and network or whatever it is that you need to do to get out there. Eventually you'll have to take a leap but you should probably do work to make it an educated leap. Quit waiting around for someone to hand you a plate of happy and say "would you like me to cut that up for you?". Some of the happiest people I know don't have a glamorous life, but they take every day and try to make that day amazing. Some of the saddest people I know are constantly trying to figure out how the next few weeks, months, years are going to play out based on the decision they make NOW (I've been this person a lot). I'm sure there's a balance in there but I do know that if you just take on the responsibility of being happy upon yourself... then you are almost 100% guaranteed success. OH! You will also be happier if you make a mint chip ice cream float... I'm pretty much addicted to these and tacos right now.

Have fun out their and give the world the middle tiger!

-D

Here's a picture I took while playing laser tag:

11,379

I've been trying to maintain this running tally of exactly how many days I've been alive. It started out as just a way to seem older, then I realized it was a little more exact than the traditional calendar. Now I've found that I really like the idea of the number of sunrises and sunsets I've been on this earth to "experience". Granted; my eyes may not have been completely open for some of the first 400-500 of them... but it's kind of the IDEA of it all. Today will mark my 11,379th day on planet Earth (allegedly). In this time I have probably experienced more things than some and less than still others on this planet. My experiences make me who I am and I cannot be anyone else because of these experiences. Scratch that... I have the potential to be someone else that is impersonating me in an extremely accurate way; but now we are stepping dangerously close to "multiple personalities" and frankly I won't put up with that from myself. So lets go over the big things I've garnered of myself and others (much of this was recent) over the last chunk of my life:

1) Loving yourself does NOT mean to think you are the greatest thing going with no room for improvement. I like who I am and whom I've become, but I do recognize that I am human and I have weakness and flaw which I struggle with every day (just like EVERYONE). This is that whole "be kind to a stranger because they are going through a struggle TOO" idea. We don't have the same problems (except collar stains... we all fight that battle and we can win with some lemon juice and vinegar), but we are all humans and we probably deserve a bit of understanding towards one another right?

2) Parenting is pretty freaking amazing. I LOVE teaching my kid how to love his life (I taught him how to lick a gummy bear and stick it to the wall the other day!). If you seriously can't hang out with a kid for an hour and not smile or laugh once, you MAY need a hug and a lollipop (I have both).

3) You make your own family. Most of us are pretty lucky to be born into a group of people that care for and love us UNCONDITIONALLY. Still more of us are even luckier to have found people outside of our bloodline that we also have those feelings for. I nurture these relationships as best as possible because I never know when I'm gonna need help transporting a miniature goat in the middle of the night across Colorado state lines (you know nothing).

4) WE ARE ALL WRONG. I actually didn't start working on this theory until about a year ago. I basically assume I am wrong in almost every instance now (when I can slow down and process... I'm not perfect). When I'm wrong I can more adequately see other points of view or facts to figure out where I went wrong and how I can be better. This does not work with the "how to mount the toilet paper" argument. If you hang your TP so that is feeds from underneath... YOU are wrong.

5) The Baltimore Orioles and Boston Red Sox were created by some supreme being to make me uncomfortable in public. I don't really have any facts on this but I've been working with a palm reader and a guy that works at a fortune cookie factory to figure out why.

6) I don't know. Almost everything I've ever said I was certain about has ended up flipping and changing and morphing into something different almost daily. I have started to accept that I just don't know what's going to happen in the next chunk of time and I try to just enjoy what ever that is if possible. Smile and take another step and eat a cookie.

How badly do you want to figure out how many days old you are now? here:  http://www.timeanddate.com/date/duration.html

Jason: This is what happened to my blog

So I've gotten the same question about 14 times in about 14 different contextual situations along the last 2 years of my life: "what happened to your blog?". I may have gotten an email asking the question because my moving to a new address caused a follower to lose their way, or perhaps a friend who hadn't seen me post something for a while was just curious. Most times the "what happened to your blog?" statement had to do with the seemingly unfocused and erratic nature of my posts for the last two years. Right  here, right now I am going to do my best to put that question to bed and give birth to a whole new line of questioning. I've always used this posting as an outlet of some kind, but have been very good at avoiding the single biggest event to have happened to me in the last couple of years and possibly my life: I went through a divorce (write the date and time down... that's the first time I've massively and publicly stated that for the whole world to read). Why does this matter? How does this have an effect on me? Well... I'll answer that question as soon as I put on some music... let's see I'm gonna go with the Saves The Day album DAYBREAK mainly because it seems to illustrate adequately a progression of strong emotion that I've felt. Buckle up.

I will not go into detail because that is for me and my family and close friends; suffice it to say that the marriage and the plan all fell apart and I was (like most people) unprepared. I received plenty of advice from support groups, counselors, friends and family that ranged from "you just need to learn to be alone" to "get out there and do as many chicks as possible". It should be no wonder to most people that both extreme ranges of these good hearted suggestions were completely mis-matched with my personality and true self. This caused some confusion, some acting out and worst of all it caused significant disconnect between a large portion of people I had allowed to be important pieces in my little "candyland game" of life (I choose candyland to describe my life because I f-ing LOVE candy...duh). Imagine a string of weeks and weekends that consist of 1-2 hours of sleep daily, being 50% responsible for a 1 year old boy and also trying to "find yourself". It caused some stress and it definitely made a lot of people dis-like me, dis-associate with me and out right dis-regard me. "AWWW Poor Darren! Do you need a hug?" is probably what you're thinking there right? Well, I thought that too... and I was wrong. I was wrong A LOT during those first few months of my "new life". I am REALLY GOOD AT BEING WRONG and it is the single greatest skill I've been able to nurture and hone over this difficult period. If I'm wrong, then only I can rectify the situation... ie my life is in MY control.

I have always been the one that pours my heart out. I will not hide emotion no matter how erratic or extreme. My parents used to say I was "hungry" when I was growing up. "Darren's in a bad mood cause he needs to eat"... well I wasn't always in a bad mood and sometimes I just wanted to be left alone with my guitar or a video game or something. I am an open faucet that sometimes doesn't have a sink beneath me to allow me to adequately drain. Music has been my sink for many years and I am so grateful to it and to my closest friends and all 4 of my biggest fans that have supported my musical creativity and encouraged it. (Track 2 on DAYBREAK "let it all go") The hardest thing I've ever had to do is let things I love go. It is also one of my favorite things to do because it allows fresh air and clear thoughts to fill these spaces. There's a lyric that says "you've gotta do something 'cause you can't just keep it inside you, it's killin me and killin you"; that is what my blog is. I NEED to let out every single little thing or I'll burst. Sometimes I outright SAY what I'm feeling... sometimes it becomes a song... and sometimes it becomes my being angry about Target being out of the big carton of liquid egg whites (I drove ALL THE WAY over to the one on the east side and that just pisses me off).

So after about 2 years of "self discovery", learning to be alone, loving big and hurting even bigger... what have I learned? I've never changed because I'm still me. I know that whenever I see or hear someone say "this is how I am and if you don't like it then tough"; I just want to strangle them and remind them that they will be lonely... maybe not physically but inside. All relationships have give and take (more advice I got) and when you refuse to give ANY then you are being selfish. No matter what the memes and inspirational posters at cross fit tell you... selfishness is largely a very destructive emotion that can be toxic when it goes too far. I've learned that I need to be true to myself and my needs but I also need to decide whom I want in my life and I need to make a comfortable and safe place for them. I want so much to be someone that my friends look at and think "when I'm around Darren I'm happy"... and that takes WORK. Work is something I'm willing to do for anyone that is reading this. ANYONE and EVERYONE because you're worth it and I'm worth it too. Sometimes I can't sleep, and sometimes I just want to sleep for days but I will always be Darren doing these things. I'll fall and I'll get back up over and over and over. Maybe you're reading this and wishing some things were different or easier, maybe you've avoided some things and filled sad gaps in your life with something that feels better. Eventually I truly believe that we all need to face our own most uncomfortable truth. I recently accepted that I cannot properly grow facial hair (I only cried for about 10 minutes). If you have something you think you need to face, you aren't alone. If you want to say some irrational things and get some good (or crazy) advice... feel free to send me a note (anonymous or otherwise). I get it and I know that is what I am and all I have to offer most people. What ever you're going through, whatever you'll go through... let it out. Don't stew and push it aside and let it poison you. It's a beautiful world out there and you deserve to be a part of it. Seriously though; there's cheesecake and sonoran dogs out there and every moment you spend thinking about your "coulda, shoulda, wouldas" you are missing it.

I think that pretty much covers it Jason. I hope this answers most of your questions though I have NO ANSWERS for wtf is happening with the Pirates having the best record in baseball (stumped).

If you read this... I have some form of love for you and I thank you.

talk to you later!