Thanksgiving Tacos!!!!!

Alright guys, I'm a little reluctant to share this recipe because it is SOOO amazing, but I love you so lets do this!

What you need:

- left over turkey; a mix of dark a light meat is fine but I prefer light meat (white meat? Who cares?). Chop it/shred it up. I'd suggest having at least half a pound as each taco will take about 1/8 of a pound.

- 1 avocado
- 1/2 cup (or so) red cabbage shredded
- leftover cranberry sauce. Hopefully this is some "from scratch" sauce but if it's canned... Whatever, it's YOU who has to look at yourself in the mirror everyday!

- corn to flour taco size tortillas. 1 per taco... Do some basic math and decide how many tacos you want and you should be able to figure out if you need a whole package or if you just need to go halvesies with a stranger at the grocery store (great time to get digits all you single guys and gals!).

- your favorite taco sauce (I'm using garlic sriracha because I love it!).

- some basic taco seasoning

- about 1 tablespoon of olive oil to sauté up that turkey in.

METHOD:

Chop it up shred it up... All that turkey! Toss it in a pan on medium heat with the olive oil and season it per your personal preference with the taco seasoning you are comfy with. You are just re-heating and slightly crisping up the turkey so it won't take more than five minutes.

While the turkey is cooking... Prep the taco bed aka Tortilla Magnifica (Spanish for super dope tortilla). Warm the tortillas and lay them flat on your serving surface (I use plates... Some of my friends use their hand or their child's head). Spread about 1 tablespoon of avocado on the tortilla, and about 1 dollop of cranberry sauce on top of that. Your turkey will go directly on top of this red and green holiday themed mush. Top the taco with a drizzle of sriracha and a pinch of red cabbage shreds. Now shove that taco in your mouth and send me a message immediately after telling me how f-ing amazing it is!!

Enjoy your holidays and family guys! Love you.

D-Ron

Step 6: Becoming an older kid

Three things I love: 1) my son Fox-Opotomous The great, 2) My guitar (my deepest thoughts coming out in musical form), 3) People that CARE.

I like people that care about what they are doing and how they are perceived. There is a fine line between CARING and living completely for others. You have to live for yourself still, just try to be considerate.

I haven't posted in a while because frankly I've been living. I've been writing music for a solo album that I NEED to make. It's about 3 years in the making and I will have a lot of people to thank when I am ready to release it. Number one "thank you" will be to all of you that have read these posts and that have sent me messages encouraging me and commenting and talking shit. You all kept me going, just like any of you that have come out to shows, hugged me, played with me, given me a high five or just drank a beer with me. You all care and I love that I have been blessed enough to experience you.

Life takes some crazy turns. One minute you are living the dream... everything is going right with the person of your dreams, you have the life you want... then BOOM! All of sudden you're happiest moment is yelling "strap-on!" with some friends during an awkward word game and everything is a little backwards. I've been there and it's a little weird, but all I can do is reassure that feeling sad and weird and a little awkward is something that should be savored. When you are hurting... just hurt. Let those that love you hold you close and just BE. On the flipside... when you are happy just let go and be REALLY FREAKING HAPPY. Just CARE. What ever you do, try to ensure that you care about it and that you want to be doing it. Frankly... life is short and I don't have time for anger and grudges that are un-warranted. I want to spend as much time on this earth living and loving and raising my bad ass kid to do the same.

I'm about to take a really important trip. I've traveled to this destination a thousand times and this time feels a little more important than others in the past. I'm facing my future and also my past. I just know that I care so much that this time I'm going and the activities I encounter on this trip mean almost nothing compared to the people I will see and may see. As vague as this post is... I know the people that I want to reach will see this and know what I'm saying. I usually TRY to be a little more accessible to a wider audience but this post seemed to feel organic an not very forced. I hope some of my regular readers will forgive me and still check out the next more "general" post. For now.. goodnight and love.

-Darren

Why I play.

I'm not generally the type of individual whom finds this inherit joy in "acting youthful" or trying to avoid growing older, I just happen to try and enjoy as much as possible and for me that sometimes means acting a bit immature. I will make juvenile jokes in the work place or high five perfect strangers at the mall because they wore some SWEET ASS SNEAKERS. These activities are things I consider "playing". I find that if I walk through life as though it is a much more tame version of Grand Theft Auto (unless I really need a car in pinch) that I am constantly trying to "win" or score more points. Here are the general rules to my "Life Game" that I play daily:

1) Friends and family are kind of like "booster packs" or "character mods". You can score in different ways and at different rates based on the grouping of people you surround yourself with and whom is actually with you. IE: Shopping alone fore jeans may be worth 10 points based on how many people you know that would care about your purchase, but you can add 5 points for each of those people that ACTUALLY COME with you for the shopping adventure. HOWEVER, you will lose points for each person that is with you that keeps saying "are you done yet?".

2) Interactions with strangers are kind of like going into an unknown house or building in "Zelda"... you can learn something, or you might just lose some strength or money. You could certainly win big in the case of my "high five scenario" from earlier, in that you could actually make a new friend. Bear in mind that you will lose a significant amount of points if you talk to a stranger and they knock you out and throw you in the back of their van.

3) Food can both help you or hurt you. Eat too much or too little or the wrong thing and you could end up weakening yourself. You must take care to nourish yourself for the long journey ahead of you and in the case of a feeding "mis-hap" be ready to take a nap. The same rule applies to alcohol consumption. There is a parabolic arch that shows an increase to your strength as you consume while consuming too much will cripple you to defending against dark forces like crazy girls that just want to "check out your place and grab a burrito" and... STAY FOREVER!!! Be careful ranger.

4) You make your own soundtrack. The music you listen to can change your mood and the functional ability of your character. Don't drive to meet friends for a fun night out while listening to "August and Everything After" from the Counting Crows... your mood will become morose and you may end up bringing down more people based on your introspective comments on how sad everyone in the world truly is. In short, don't be a debbie downer because you will LITERALLY bring DOWN everyone's scoring potential.

5) Hobbies and extra curricular activities add strength and experience. Join a band, an intramural team or maybe an exercise group and your scoring chances increase exponentially. Isolate your self and you'll have limited add-on capability while being less likely to experience and learn. Remember to be careful though (rule 2).

6) Having children is kind of like adding a "life heart" to your total life gauge, though the more life capacity you have the quicker it actually drains. Your overall strength quotient is also severely affected by the addition of your personal spawn to the playing field; however, upon said offspring's 18th birthday you will actually experience a 15% gain in overall strength and the ability to replenish your cash stores.

Those are just my main guidelines. You can purchase my complete Life strategy guide with maps and secret area reveals for 3 easy payments of $24.95 and one REALLY HARD Payment of a sock, two pounds of cooked spaghetti and a wooden nickel.

Have fun!

love ya.

Earn Your Happy

DISCLAIMER: The following post will most likely contain profanity, abstract analogy and at least one reference to a midget. I will say things like "do this" or "do that" and I am in no way trying to boss you around; this is my opinions 'n junk and you don't HAVE to read it. I mean no offense and I love all of the Earth's creatures... so get your salt shaker out and lets do this.

For about 6-8 months I've been wrestling with understanding this weird "entitlement" that seems to have infiltrated the American psyche. Somewhere we all started believing that we "deserved" happiness and that we just need to keep on putting one foot in front of the other and not settle; Meanwhile the depression rate keeps rising and there seems to be more and more negative press saturating our media outlets. I have an alternate view that I believe proves to be much more constructive and WAY less "ya ya sisterhood"... being that I've essentially shared this same view with 3 close friends today I figured a higher power was telling me to share it with you too.

YOU DO NOT DESERVE ANYTHING. The boomerang theory applies here; you don't simply deserve happiness because you are alive but you will get what you give and it comes back around. Accept that you need to actually put in some work to be happy and quit expecting happy to happen to you. Step one of working at happy is to recognize and OWN your baggage. You have baggage, sorry honey but we all do. Where we start believing that we DON'T have baggage is when we end up around someone else that has different baggage and we say "whoa! that dude has some BAGGAGE!". Listen sweetheart; families travel with baggage and if the baggage looks all different it just causes confusion... so we just need to build our family with people whom have SIMILAR baggage so it's easier to keep it all organized. If you THINK you don't have any issues or baggage... you probably have the most of anyone you know and the refusal to accept it will poison you and keep you bouncing from experience to experience trying to find that perfect fit and always finding something you just can't deal with. Look inside, you know it to be true (Luke).

YOU CAN'T MAKE ANYONE HAPPY. Your "job" if you want to even call it that is to simply let the people you care about go out there and earn their own happiness. Everyone has to do the work and if you try to do it for them you are just creating a little temporary happy version of you in someone else (which is kind of like a midget version of you crawling into a mechanical suit of the other person... which is really creepy). When you look at someone and think "I wish they would just do this so they could be happy..." what you are really saying is: "it would make me happy if this person did this because I THINK it would make them happy". Let go and let the ones you love earn their happiness and celebrate it when they do.

QUIT DREAMING AND DO IT. We've all had that moment when we are like "I wish I could..." or "If only I had...". If you want to change jobs (don't quit right now and start hunting... especially if you have kids) then you need to DO WORK. Research your options, update your resume' and network or whatever it is that you need to do to get out there. Eventually you'll have to take a leap but you should probably do work to make it an educated leap. Quit waiting around for someone to hand you a plate of happy and say "would you like me to cut that up for you?". Some of the happiest people I know don't have a glamorous life, but they take every day and try to make that day amazing. Some of the saddest people I know are constantly trying to figure out how the next few weeks, months, years are going to play out based on the decision they make NOW (I've been this person a lot). I'm sure there's a balance in there but I do know that if you just take on the responsibility of being happy upon yourself... then you are almost 100% guaranteed success. OH! You will also be happier if you make a mint chip ice cream float... I'm pretty much addicted to these and tacos right now.

Have fun out their and give the world the middle tiger!

-D

Here's a picture I took while playing laser tag:

11,379

I've been trying to maintain this running tally of exactly how many days I've been alive. It started out as just a way to seem older, then I realized it was a little more exact than the traditional calendar. Now I've found that I really like the idea of the number of sunrises and sunsets I've been on this earth to "experience". Granted; my eyes may not have been completely open for some of the first 400-500 of them... but it's kind of the IDEA of it all. Today will mark my 11,379th day on planet Earth (allegedly). In this time I have probably experienced more things than some and less than still others on this planet. My experiences make me who I am and I cannot be anyone else because of these experiences. Scratch that... I have the potential to be someone else that is impersonating me in an extremely accurate way; but now we are stepping dangerously close to "multiple personalities" and frankly I won't put up with that from myself. So lets go over the big things I've garnered of myself and others (much of this was recent) over the last chunk of my life:

1) Loving yourself does NOT mean to think you are the greatest thing going with no room for improvement. I like who I am and whom I've become, but I do recognize that I am human and I have weakness and flaw which I struggle with every day (just like EVERYONE). This is that whole "be kind to a stranger because they are going through a struggle TOO" idea. We don't have the same problems (except collar stains... we all fight that battle and we can win with some lemon juice and vinegar), but we are all humans and we probably deserve a bit of understanding towards one another right?

2) Parenting is pretty freaking amazing. I LOVE teaching my kid how to love his life (I taught him how to lick a gummy bear and stick it to the wall the other day!). If you seriously can't hang out with a kid for an hour and not smile or laugh once, you MAY need a hug and a lollipop (I have both).

3) You make your own family. Most of us are pretty lucky to be born into a group of people that care for and love us UNCONDITIONALLY. Still more of us are even luckier to have found people outside of our bloodline that we also have those feelings for. I nurture these relationships as best as possible because I never know when I'm gonna need help transporting a miniature goat in the middle of the night across Colorado state lines (you know nothing).

4) WE ARE ALL WRONG. I actually didn't start working on this theory until about a year ago. I basically assume I am wrong in almost every instance now (when I can slow down and process... I'm not perfect). When I'm wrong I can more adequately see other points of view or facts to figure out where I went wrong and how I can be better. This does not work with the "how to mount the toilet paper" argument. If you hang your TP so that is feeds from underneath... YOU are wrong.

5) The Baltimore Orioles and Boston Red Sox were created by some supreme being to make me uncomfortable in public. I don't really have any facts on this but I've been working with a palm reader and a guy that works at a fortune cookie factory to figure out why.

6) I don't know. Almost everything I've ever said I was certain about has ended up flipping and changing and morphing into something different almost daily. I have started to accept that I just don't know what's going to happen in the next chunk of time and I try to just enjoy what ever that is if possible. Smile and take another step and eat a cookie.

How badly do you want to figure out how many days old you are now? here:  http://www.timeanddate.com/date/duration.html

Jason: This is what happened to my blog

So I've gotten the same question about 14 times in about 14 different contextual situations along the last 2 years of my life: "what happened to your blog?". I may have gotten an email asking the question because my moving to a new address caused a follower to lose their way, or perhaps a friend who hadn't seen me post something for a while was just curious. Most times the "what happened to your blog?" statement had to do with the seemingly unfocused and erratic nature of my posts for the last two years. Right  here, right now I am going to do my best to put that question to bed and give birth to a whole new line of questioning. I've always used this posting as an outlet of some kind, but have been very good at avoiding the single biggest event to have happened to me in the last couple of years and possibly my life: I went through a divorce (write the date and time down... that's the first time I've massively and publicly stated that for the whole world to read). Why does this matter? How does this have an effect on me? Well... I'll answer that question as soon as I put on some music... let's see I'm gonna go with the Saves The Day album DAYBREAK mainly because it seems to illustrate adequately a progression of strong emotion that I've felt. Buckle up.

I will not go into detail because that is for me and my family and close friends; suffice it to say that the marriage and the plan all fell apart and I was (like most people) unprepared. I received plenty of advice from support groups, counselors, friends and family that ranged from "you just need to learn to be alone" to "get out there and do as many chicks as possible". It should be no wonder to most people that both extreme ranges of these good hearted suggestions were completely mis-matched with my personality and true self. This caused some confusion, some acting out and worst of all it caused significant disconnect between a large portion of people I had allowed to be important pieces in my little "candyland game" of life (I choose candyland to describe my life because I f-ing LOVE candy...duh). Imagine a string of weeks and weekends that consist of 1-2 hours of sleep daily, being 50% responsible for a 1 year old boy and also trying to "find yourself". It caused some stress and it definitely made a lot of people dis-like me, dis-associate with me and out right dis-regard me. "AWWW Poor Darren! Do you need a hug?" is probably what you're thinking there right? Well, I thought that too... and I was wrong. I was wrong A LOT during those first few months of my "new life". I am REALLY GOOD AT BEING WRONG and it is the single greatest skill I've been able to nurture and hone over this difficult period. If I'm wrong, then only I can rectify the situation... ie my life is in MY control.

I have always been the one that pours my heart out. I will not hide emotion no matter how erratic or extreme. My parents used to say I was "hungry" when I was growing up. "Darren's in a bad mood cause he needs to eat"... well I wasn't always in a bad mood and sometimes I just wanted to be left alone with my guitar or a video game or something. I am an open faucet that sometimes doesn't have a sink beneath me to allow me to adequately drain. Music has been my sink for many years and I am so grateful to it and to my closest friends and all 4 of my biggest fans that have supported my musical creativity and encouraged it. (Track 2 on DAYBREAK "let it all go") The hardest thing I've ever had to do is let things I love go. It is also one of my favorite things to do because it allows fresh air and clear thoughts to fill these spaces. There's a lyric that says "you've gotta do something 'cause you can't just keep it inside you, it's killin me and killin you"; that is what my blog is. I NEED to let out every single little thing or I'll burst. Sometimes I outright SAY what I'm feeling... sometimes it becomes a song... and sometimes it becomes my being angry about Target being out of the big carton of liquid egg whites (I drove ALL THE WAY over to the one on the east side and that just pisses me off).

So after about 2 years of "self discovery", learning to be alone, loving big and hurting even bigger... what have I learned? I've never changed because I'm still me. I know that whenever I see or hear someone say "this is how I am and if you don't like it then tough"; I just want to strangle them and remind them that they will be lonely... maybe not physically but inside. All relationships have give and take (more advice I got) and when you refuse to give ANY then you are being selfish. No matter what the memes and inspirational posters at cross fit tell you... selfishness is largely a very destructive emotion that can be toxic when it goes too far. I've learned that I need to be true to myself and my needs but I also need to decide whom I want in my life and I need to make a comfortable and safe place for them. I want so much to be someone that my friends look at and think "when I'm around Darren I'm happy"... and that takes WORK. Work is something I'm willing to do for anyone that is reading this. ANYONE and EVERYONE because you're worth it and I'm worth it too. Sometimes I can't sleep, and sometimes I just want to sleep for days but I will always be Darren doing these things. I'll fall and I'll get back up over and over and over. Maybe you're reading this and wishing some things were different or easier, maybe you've avoided some things and filled sad gaps in your life with something that feels better. Eventually I truly believe that we all need to face our own most uncomfortable truth. I recently accepted that I cannot properly grow facial hair (I only cried for about 10 minutes). If you have something you think you need to face, you aren't alone. If you want to say some irrational things and get some good (or crazy) advice... feel free to send me a note (anonymous or otherwise). I get it and I know that is what I am and all I have to offer most people. What ever you're going through, whatever you'll go through... let it out. Don't stew and push it aside and let it poison you. It's a beautiful world out there and you deserve to be a part of it. Seriously though; there's cheesecake and sonoran dogs out there and every moment you spend thinking about your "coulda, shoulda, wouldas" you are missing it.

I think that pretty much covers it Jason. I hope this answers most of your questions though I have NO ANSWERS for wtf is happening with the Pirates having the best record in baseball (stumped).

If you read this... I have some form of love for you and I thank you.

talk to you later!

Taking the Hint

I am currently obsessed with unabashed description of feelings and intentions. I pondered for hours whether I was going to endorse 100% brutal honesty and quickly realized that sometimes you absolutely must lie or withhold some facts for the good of a person's feelings or the fate of the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE. I decided my focus needed to be on intentions and feelings with regard to another human being. Primarily in western culture, we appear to have embraced this concept of protecting people from truth or "giving them a warm fuzzy". We won't tell someone "I'm busy right now" or "I really don't feel like talking about that"; we just ignore them and expect them to "take the hint". When someone doesn't properly take the hint, we become frustrated that they could just blatantly IGNORE our OBVIOUS attempt to respectfully decline communication. "He keeps bugging me, can't he take the hint?".

In these instances I prefer the truth. If the shirt makes you look like a meth head Phish fan I will tell you. I will not say "maybe tie dye isn't for you?" and expect you to read between the lines to figure it out. I care too much. I guess I just don't want to go another day where anyone has some question or mis-understanding as to my intentions. No games. If I love you, I will tell you. If I want to spend time with you I will tell you. If I'd like to talk to you sometimes, and others would prefer you leave me alone... I'll make sure to *WINK* when I say "sure! give me a call!" that way you'll know I'm REALLY saying "please don't talk to me" (is that clear enough?).

Of course this is only my personal pledge to my loved ones. Feel free to continue with your preferred method of miscommunication if it works for you. I guess I'm just doing my best to follow the "golden rule". Maybe this is why I prefer the company of my 2 year old and other children under 12 (sorry but at 12 they have figured out how to manipulate me, and I CANNOT spend another day inside of a mascot suit in the middle of summer). Kids just tell you what they want/need/believe. Eating with my son last week I asked him how he liked his veggie dog to which he replied "I don't like it". I said "will you try one more bite? Daddy made it special for you", to which he responded "no daddy, YOU eat it". No question at all what that kid wants and when. Perhaps I'll just try to be a little more like a 2 year old.

-D

Why you NEED to get a full length mirror (gentlemen)

Warning: Only keep reading if you have a good sense of humor and you are ready to look like a gentleman.

Ok guys, I think we can all agree that the whole "looking like I don't give a F*^k!" fad is a little too "22 and under" for us now right? You are a grown up and you should look like one. Chances are if you are reading this you know me or you at least know someone who knows me (hope this changes soon). If you are LUCKY enough to know me personally you know that I care quite a bit about my appearance and that I'll pretty much try anything in the world of fashion at least once. This post will not discuss why you need to go out and purchase a bow tie and bright red pants. I am going to point out some necessary wardrobe pieces that will help you look and feel amazing... and I will discuss how you can find what is most fashionable for yourself and for that special someone you are trying to get sexy for.

Step one: Know your size. Please stop trying to cover up for what your body type is or isn't by wearing clothing that is too tight or too loose fitting. An ill fitting garment will only draw too much or too little attention to yourself in a very negative way (in general). I discuss this in a previous post at length so I won't harp on it too much.

Step two: What ever gentleman needs in his closet (this is like the BARE MINIMUM). Providing all these items fit I would suggest ensuring you have the bases covered:

- 1 pair dark black slacks (not the washed look "trendy ones"... big boy pants)
- 1 pair light or medium tan chinos (if Dockers fit your frame...)
- 1 pair medium wash regular or slim fit denim pants "jeans" (NOT SKINNY JEANS)
- 1 pair medium brown or olive shorts (no cargo shorts here, you don't need extra pockets for juicy fruit and pez dispensers)
- 1 fitted white button down oxford style shirt
- 1 fitted button down light to medium blue shirt
- 2 to 5 plain white under shirts that fit well (preferable v-neck... don't let that white show past the collar)
- 1 pair black dress shoes and belt to match
- 1 pair light to medium brown shoes and belt to match
- 1 pair tan or white canvas sneakers (I love me some Chucks or Van's Old School's)
- 1 Dark Navy or black tie
- 1 Gray or Navy Blazer
- 4 to 5 pairs of socks from www.happysocks.com (don't be skurred)
- 1 Pair of running shoes (get your ass out there and run dammit!)

Step 3: Learn how to pair the above items. How many outfits can you put together using these simple items from your wardrobe? Standing in front of your mirror and putting on your black pants with your brown shoes and belt and a white shirt and tie. Does that combo feel "comfortable" to you? If you don't feel good in what you're wearing... you won't be able to "skeet skeet" confidence from your pores like a PRO. Get crazy and roll up sleeves and wear a button down with your shorts and sneakers, you'd be surprised how you can make the above items all your own. I personally suggest finding some way to keep track of your favorite outfit combinations (use your smart phone and you'll find some good closet apps out there).

Step 4: Expand the wardrobe. Once you are comfortable with the basics, you will probably start noticing how you can throw in some patterns like argyle or simple stripes to add some personality to an otherwise basic outfit. Here's your chance to try out those green chinos that you found on clearance or www.jackthreads.com. Do NOT be afraid to try something new, if you like you can even email me a pic and I'll tell you if it's lame or not (in my opinion). Worst case scenario is you look like crap and someone says something. You're a MAN, you can handle a little constructive criticism remember?

I'm not really sure what makes me so interested in providing this type of advice to my fellow tripods, but I definitely think that Dean Martin and John Wayne would not be super happy with how some of the male species are presenting themselves these days. This has NOTHING to do with sexual preference or gender for that matter, it has to do with taking the time to show the world you are displaying yourself to that you indeed DO give a F*^k and you know how to dress yourself. Also, I've heard that ladies tend to find it quite attractive to watch a man tie a tie... just sayin. You'll find a lot of lists like this one out on the web from perhaps more qualified individuals... but I assure that this is the only one that has posted the writer's willingness to personally critique your outfit choice and give you some constructive feedback. I'm also fairly certain this is the ONLY article you'll find that mentions running SHOES in the wardrobe list and no running CLOTHING of any kind, there by partially endorsing nude running (which I'm fairly certain is a bad idea to partake in unless you are 100% sure that you are not in violation of state and
local laws).

So go out there and have fun with it MEN. I'll be looking forward to the overflow of super dope outfit pics in my inbox soon!

Sweet Thunder... ROLLIN OUT! (<----- p="">you like that?)

A One Track World (or: Music killed the video star and my soul)

I was quite recently inspired to actually write something that mattered about a subject very close to my heart. After two important encounters with some loved one's in my life I've come to accept the reality of the music world today. In a conversation with my band about a week ago as we were trying to assemble a track listing for our next album someone said "that doesn't really fit in with the whole album", to which I replied "no one cares about albums anymore".

Gone are the days when you would here "Spiderwebs by No Doubt" on the radio and run to Sam Goody or Zia to buy Tragic Kingdom and go home, pop it in the old discman and lay on your bed flipping through liner notes and maybe hopping on to AOL (click , chirp, buzzz, DING) and looking up their tour dates to see when they were coming to town. Instant gratification, iTunes and Starbucks have changed our musical society into "I'll just get the free track download and maybe buy the radio hit". I feel like my love of my favorite recording artists today stems from knowing that they (like myself) have written crappy songs along side the good ones. Albums add a human element to a recording artist. An album seeing someone's wedding day right next to a picture of their graduation; perhaps a stack of their divorce paperwork and death certificate.

I feel no need to record a theme in my album anymore, as I write songs that span genre and subject matter like I make sandwiches (sometimes with PB, banana and avocado). I used to tell people "when you just buy that one track you are putting 3 cents into a "rock star's" pocket that he is using to feed his kids, but when you go to their show and buy a shirt and a CD you are giving them like $40". Now my attitude has changed. I've kept a day job and given up on the idea of ever touring again. As a musician the new goal is to write a hit song that the next Mickey Mouse club member that turns 16 may be asked to record because it would be a great background for the new Chevy commercial. The pipe dream is to get my song onto an episode of Modern Family... I mean... talk about MAKING IT! I can't say I'm not a little jaded and butt hurt by the whole thing, but it is a little hard to switch gears so quickly. There's a reason the "drummer" in the Lumineers wears the same white t-shirt and suspenders, that's all he can afford. Why do artists ask you not to record their show? They don't get to make money on that video you post on YouTube. Imagine someone coming to your house and making sandwiches for their whole family then walking out without paying you or even offering a bite... that's what your video is kinda like.

I hope there's still a little hope out there for a whole album, but I kinda know that the music world in that way is dead. So... want to hear a song I wrote?

Love ya,

-D

Fear of letting go

I have most likely figured out the meaning of life again... so sit down and grab a cup of tea (or what ever it is you drink/eat when you are about to have your mind BLOWN).

There always seems to be the same conversation points that come up with any big life event; death, birth, marriage, divorce. People seem to have this idea that change is inevitable and scary and that you have to just "let go"... or "don't be afraid to let go"... "take a leap of faith" (you get the idea). I personally don't think one has to change or take any type of proverbial "leap". I've been into the idea that humans are more like water than we are like rock; flowing in and around each others lives occasionally merging into larger and strong streams or rivers. We don't HAVE to let go because the "letting go" is done for us and with out choice. When a loved one departs our lives in some way we don't really choose it, so you don't really have to let go because you've already been pulled away and started to flow as a separated stream again. Maybe your stream will join up again and maybe you'll just flow farther and farther apart.

Here's where the fear goes away for me: I can't control how I let go but only how I react to being separated. I can choose to continue to be myself and act like nothing happened, or I can now act as this new body of water whose trajectory has changed slightly. Or I could go buy a case of PBR and some Tom's shoes and flip off the world while listening to "Imagine Dragons" thinking I'm some kind "cooler than you" person whom is DEFINITELY NOT A HIPSTER. I believe the latter of these options is destructive to myself and to the community in general.

Sometimes life sucks and we need to just have a crappy day. I think it's ok to be hurt and to feel like you want things to be like they were yesterday, but we CAN'T STAY THE SAME (re: Christopher Conley & Saves The Day from the Album Under The Boards). Be afraid, feel it and deal with it. After the fear has become part of yourself, you can deal with it daily until it seems to just fade and you're back to playing Super Nintendo and drinking whiskey. I'm sure you've already picked up on this, but this entire post is essentially an acronym for the abundance of PRE-FATHER'S DAY SALES that are going on in the mall right now. Get out there and get your Pa and the other Pa's in your life a super sweet gift at up to 75% off! And while you're at it... grab me a gift certificate for www.thetiebar.com because daddy needs to look good!

Hope you guys are able to let go and have a good and relaxing SUPER HOT day.

Love ya,

-D

Why bother?

You may think to yourself sometimes that you are fighting a futile battle against yourself due to your inability to find "happiness" or do "what you want". You wake up everyday, go to the same job after eating the same breakfast and no matter how bad you may want something... it eludes you. I have no solution to offer for this quandary. What I do have is an experience that may have changed my life for the better. I woke up one day and thought to myself "Self, what do YOU want to do?". My first quick reply was something like "I want to go bowling with so and so..." My inner mind quickly replied "WRONG!!! TRY AGAIN!". I was obviously confused; first because I really thought I WANTED to go bowling, second because I was about to get into a really intense argument with myself (hard to fight with someone so pretty:-).

What I was failing to understand from what I was telling myself is that I did want to go bowling, but it was not the heart of what I wanted. I had to stop and take personal responsibility for my own happiness. If I was going to be happy I had to be able to do it BY MYSELF and with no assistance. I quickly realized that I love running medium distances. Fashion is a personal expression and I LOVE to wear a tie. I write everyday no matter what. I play my guitar EVERY DAY no matter WHAT. I have found these simple joys that reassure me that I'm going to be alright NO MATTER WHAT. This has provided me the strength I need to say to myself "hey man, it's ok if you want to cry about it cause I'm here for you". This was not an overnight revelation, nor is it something that I no longer have to work at. 

Every day I must wake up and re-motivate myself to love myself and to keep on making myself happy. What I have found is that once I became confident that I loved myself so much.. I was able to pass an immeasurable amount of love onto my son and to the friends and family I hold dearest. I still long for social activity and to be delivered from this isolation that is partially self imposed; but I no longer have that sinking weight in the pit of my stomach that comes with feeling alone or insufficient. No, this is not permanent... but I am WORTH the daily effort. So are you. 

Boom.

-D

What's LOVE got to do with it?

I bet this is like the 1,456,237th post with the title stolen from the song made famous by Tina Turner (those legs!!). I wanted to come up with something cooler but I really didn't care too much about the title as much as I do the subject. This whole post is stemming from this idea of "entrapment" of those you love and the idea that in order to show you love someone you need to keep them close to your chest and prevent them from getting "lost" in the wilderness of this cold hard world. Young Darren used to believe that. Friends, family, romantic interests all had this in common for me; "I love you so I will hold you and squeeze you and never let you go" (Elmyra?). So here's what I got:

You love someone (lets not get caught up with what exact position they hold in your life... just that you love them). With love comes a bit of responsibility; I personally believe that love should be unconditional. There are people in my life that have done things that have hurt me deep and to my core to the point of making me question myself and my ability to be a good person. Some of these people are ones that I love truly and deeply, and I forgive them in time after working through in my head how to move forward with them in a positive way. The task of forgiveness can be pretty tough to fathom, but I assure you it is worth it. If you can't forgive then you probably don't love them as much as you thought and DEFINITELY not unconditionally. Another crossroads can come up when someone you love wants to do something with their life that is contrary to what you would suggest or prefer.

Big test here, you have to be willing to let the person you love unconditionally do what they need to do to feel as comfortable as possible being themselves. This is where the "if you love me let me go" thing comes in. This is a really hard concept to grasp especially in the ego motivated social network world of today. We have this common ideal starting to surface in our society that "If I'm not good enough for you then I don't need you so F-OFF!". The problem with this is that we lose sight of our true identity and it becomes the identity that those who "like us" (sounds like a button you click right?) project onto us. The projection of personality characteristics works both ways. Humans are like the mouse in the maze and we respond to positive reinforcement. Where LOVE comes in is when someone tells you they are going to do something that is going to hurt you (maybe a lot) and you take the time to determine why and to gain understanding as to why it may be important to this person and you give your blessing to proceed (ie: UNCONDITIONAL LOVE).

This seems like torture right? Allowing someone you hold so dear to hurt you? I contest that if you truly love someone unconditionally then you must show that love by truly allowing them to be an individual and make decisions that they perceive to be in their best interest. If you love them, the "torture" is worth it I promise. I only wish I learned this at a younger age prior to acting immaturely towards people I cared deeply for. I also really wish my french press hadn't shattered last weekend because making coffee in my Keurig is convenient but doesn't make me feel all "artsy" and "writerish". I guess I'll live right?

Love you guys (or do I?),

-D

Inspired for the 643rd time

Not gonna lie, I've kind of been avoiding publishing my writing recently. Whenever I sit down and write a bunch of personal crap comes out that is less than fun and WAY less than exciting to read. I know all of my "private followers" would probably appreciate a little candid humor and retrospective insight into my life... right?

2012 was crazy for me and meant a lot of change and a lot of realizing who I had grown to be. With this realization I've decided to share with all of you the insight that I have gained a long with my personal opinion on unicorns. Let me preface the following by saying I'm probably NOTHING like you or anyone you know and this may not pertain to you EXACTLY; but I'm fairly certain the general thesis of it all is standard across all personalities and societies. Here we go...

You are going to change. You cannot stop change and whenever I hear someone say (in a negative tone) "he or she has changed!". I think "well no kidding!" Did you really expect someone to live an entire average life expectancy without changing? Remember when you used to HATE mustard but then one day in junior high at a birthday party someone accidentally squirted some in your mouth during a game of co-ed "ookie cookie" and you decided that you LOVED it? Life is like mustard... you never know when it will get squirted in your mouth un-expectedly and completely change your opinion.

With change comes a realization as to what you find important. I find genuineness to be extremely important (I could have said HONESTY but "genuineness" is word too and it is hard to pronounce). Once you realize what is most important to you (now) you want to go and do that or experience that as much as possible. Be careful here because you may just THINK you like something new when really you just wish that you were excited again. Its very easy to over eat when you think you are hungry when all you really want is a tall glass of water. Sure... your neighbor's wife might seem cool, but maybe you just wish YOU lived with someone that wears the same size heels?

I have "changed" a lot this year in that I have accepted what makes me happy and I have decided to focus on that. This focus involves a lot of playing make believe with a two year old and doing extremely immature things.. but it also means treating the people around me like the prizes they are in my life (you know who you are).

A lot of you guys have changed too. We may be FB friends but we may never hang out again. I still like you and I still care, I just can't handle your choice in clothing and frankly you are a loud chewer so please stop sending me vampire requests and put the toilet seat down.

Love you guys

-D

I don't put butter on my grilled cheese

Two slices of bread, one slice of sharp cheddar, some chopped up sun dried tomatoes and a strip of morning star farms bacon. The aforementioned ingredients when paired with my stove, a pan and spatula become one of the tastiest treats I have on a fairly regular basis (usually while my son takes his afternoon nap). Why no butter? Glad you asked!

Butter on a grilled cheese is primarily used to help safely "golden" the bread. If you have a layer of fat on your bread it is much harder to burn the toast while waiting for the cheese to melt. Waiting is the key and it is how I usually prefer to cook. If you allow the cheese to come to room temp while warming the bacon... then you can slow cook your grilled cheese turning frequently and WITHOUT the additional fat and calories the butter adds. Why does this matter? While I was making my samich today I started thinking that this exact method is how I've recently been able to find some peace in my life and have actually realized my importance and the importance of what I want.

I'm not gonna share the details of my plight, if you know me well enough than you know that this is a big deal. About 3 weeks ago I just decided to remove the extra "calories" or the needless things in my life that I used as a protective layer of fat to protect my heart. This meant I could no longer ignore or push away feelings based on fear... I just had to deal with them slowly as they came to ensure that I used their "heat" to cook my sandwich adequately. NO BURNING. I think most of us are in such a hurry that we fall into these traps of rules and expectations as to how we are supposed to deal with things or how we EXPECT our loved ones to deal. This is just layering on the fat because we are in a hurry to get our sandwich and just enjoy it (but eat fast because we need to hurry up and make it to yoga class and to meet the gang for drinks).

Savoring the heat in my life has allowed me to forget conventional wisdom and the rules that have been bestowed upon my life space, thus creating a peaceful space in my own heart where my happiness can grow slowly but truly. I'm all ooey gooey and melty inside! I'm going to make a conscious effort not to add in those calories any longer, to take the time to savor the heat created by my loved ones and to take the time to enjoy my afternoon snack.