Really craigslist poster?

http://tucson.craigslist.org/ele/2134599845.html

1) It's a dell

2) Power point doesn't work? really?

3) What's "abag" or an "adobter?

"HATEY" holidays

I know by the title you might be expecting just another blog about how the holiday season is really freaking miserable and that everyone should quit being so greedy/selfish; and that's a small piece of this. What I'd like to focus on is the fact that just everyone I've been around so far this year seems to be forcing them selves to be stressed out like they have reach some all time low before they DESERVE to take some time off of work, or just enjoy the company of family and friends. I'm gonna set you straight right now: YOU don't need to EARN happiness or relaxation. I say this in as self serving a way as I know how, but perhaps we all should just try to have a little "holiday break" everyday.

You know that feeling you get when you are at work and everyone is rushing to get something done before the holiday and it feels like they are all bugging you and nobody else? Think really hard on what the opposite feeling is right when it starts to get really bad. For me I try to imagine that I'm sitting on my couch with my two dogs and my lady, beer in one hand... and just breathing deeply and relaxing.

Now that we are all relaxed... lets talk about what's freaking crazy about what's going on right now (this is the fun part you're probably more used to).

Do you know how many f-ing people were at the mall last night? Seriously, take a guess... I'm gonna say about 5 billion. 5 billion people all wandering around looking for something for someone that they don't want to purchase anything for. We all have that person on our list. The one that you don't really like but you feel obligated to purchase for because they are probably going to get something for you that you don't really want because they don't really like you either. Why bother? Can't we all except  that we don't like everyone? Now I try not to hate anyone, but I also try to distance myself from individuals or groups that upset me or anger me, because its unhealthy to be mad all the time. Wouldn't be nice if someone just told you; "I don't really like you, so I'm not going to purchase you a gift. I also know that you don't like me so I don't expect a gift, but I do hope the best for you and yours." WOW! What a utopia we could truly achieve if everyone could be honest about who they DON'T like, then maybe we could spend more time focusing on whom we DO like/love and be happier people.

Now this can be a year round concept that need not be confined to the hellish happenings of the holidays. Sure it seems easy to tell someone you dislike them when they are leaning on your pool table while their white russian sweats onto your new custom felt as you only try to forget that their child has spent the last hour and half throwing pieces of gingerbread house across the room at your mothers shitzu, but don't forget that the little bastard is always f-ing with that dog and though you don't like the dog either you decide its based on principle that you point out to his parents that "Spanky" doesn't like little hard things thrown at it.

There you guys, In between your usual love fest try to spread a little "disdain". Tell someone you don't like them this year, then shake their hand and wish them well on their way the F^*$ out the door.

Love (some of you)

D-Ron

the definition of "you"

Despite various attempts by numerous individuals and groups to create a standard language with which the entire world can communicate, all attempts for said cause have resulted in failure. Not only does someone in Prague have an entirely different word for "cigarette" than myself... but the lady that lives across the street from me apparently thinks that "trash" is stuff you hold onto in your back yard.

You see, even simple words that we all THINK we know the meaning of can cause fierce debate and midget crying (sorry let e re-phrase; "midget TEARS"). I applaud attempts to create standardization of the English language but in the days of "LOL" and "OMFG" I think its time to focus on other things like asking someone to explain themselves. I believe that rather than arguing over the meaning of a word that someone may have a lifetime of training in using, we should probably just ask to clarify. If I say "I'm a FAN of sardines", I do not mean that i have sardine posters on my wall or the 1987 June issue of Tiger Beat where sardines were interviewed and asked about their salty character; I merely am explaining that I like the taste of sardines and their use in food. To take this example further, just because I say "I kind of like the Black Keys, but haven't purchased an album yet" does not mean that I can check the "YES" box on my Facebook survey of "which Charles in Charge character are you?" under the question "are you a fan of The Black Keys".

To sum it all up; rather than try to label and then judge someone based on their vernacular choices just double check... you may actually start a conversation.

Wit adoration and sprinkles,

D-Ron

"Best" Buy: Customer Service FAIL

Now I'm not exactly the type of person to go off on some customer service experience I had that was horrible in some sort of vindictive attempt to (in my mind) bring down the customer/entity responsible for souring my milk... actually I am so HERE WE GO!!

I recently purchased 3 large appliances from Best Buy, mainly because of the great deal on financing and because they looked super sweet. The culmination of my purchase found me with one each of a new refrigerator, dishwasher and oven. Now how to get them into my home and hooked up? DON'T WORRY; Best Buy's not so geeky squad is apparently on the case and installation was included in my purchase. All I was required to purchase was the actual materials used to hook up the appliances (hoses, cables, etc).

The oven install came first and went off without a hitch for the most part aside from the fact that my oven is currently stuck in the "store demo" mode which will not allow the oven itself to function while the stove top burners work amazingly. Luckily the manufacturer set up a warranty repair service call without so much as a handshake. My first interesting endeavor was encountered with the installation of the refrigerator. Since my new custom cabinets had been measured and installed for the exact model I purchased, I was to obtain a "built in" look. I received a call from the install guys first stating that they weren't confident the fridge would be able to roll into my awkwardly shaped kitchen so they were going to strap it to their backs and lift it over my island (scary). Next I was told that they would not be pushing the fridge into its permanent home because they thought the opening was to narrow to allow clearance for said appliance. I assured them it would fit per my carpenter's specifications but due to the installer's reluctance to accept liability for cabinet damage (this is the same guy that just lifted the thing OVER my counter) they would merely hook up the fridge to make it functional and leave it in the middle of my kitchen. A few hours following the departure of the installers my carpenter and I easily slid the fridge into place.

Now for the "cous de gras" of my Best Buy experience; The Dishwasher. My dishwasher was to be installed on a scheduled date which coincided perfectly with the date 2 1/2 weeks later when the installer actually showed up at my home. Though I had purchased my "install kit" from Best Buy when I purchased my unit (ha!) the hose was apparently too short for the install and I would need to purchase a longer hose at (per the installer) "Lowes or something". I would need to reschedule a time for the completion of the installation to occur following my purchase of new "hosiery". Mind you, I came to discover that the original hole drilled by my carpenter through the cabinetry for the dishwasher hoses was disregarded and the installer had drilled a new hole that caused my hose to run through the center of the functional part of my cabinet. Once I had obtained my new hose I contacted Best Buy to get the installer's contact info and was first given a disconnected number, then the number for a tire and wheel company and finally asked to speak with the "manager" or "person whom has been the longest out of high school and sold the most iPods last week". The manager asked me what the problem was which prompted me to explain that the installer had not only defaced my kitchen with a new hole, but also required me to purchase additional parts from another company when I was led to believe that I had already purchased everything. (Now it gets good) The manager subsequently asked if I had purchased the install kit or just the installATION. As I started to explain the details of my purchase I was cut off mid sentence and told "cause there's a big difference between parts and labor, you may have just paid for labor, but NOT the parts". Now that I had been insulted by this graduate of Best Buy's customer service training program (level 3) I cut HIM off and stated "you asked me a question, now please let me answer". I went on to explain that I knew the difference between parts and labor and that I also knew how to read a receipt, I explained that I would be extremely appreciative if he could obtain the contact information for the install company that attempted to hook up my dishwasher and to arrange for my reimbursement of materials purchased as well as damage done to my kitchen. Mr. Manager's response: "I'll have to look into it and call you back" *CLICK.

Now that I was thoroughly angered by Mr. Best Buy, all I could do while waiting was try to formulate my argument that I would lay on him hoping to impose such fear in him that he wouldn't feel safe hanging out with his marching band buddies at Denny's after the football game this Friday (why do we capitalize days of the week?). I got a call, but to my shagrin (shegrin? cha-grin?) it was the appliance install company calling to schedule a time for our second date. I spoke with the woman on the phone about my dis-satisfaction thus far and mentioned the extra hole that had been drilled in my cabinet to which she quickly responded "Oh! Mike's a big guy". You can imagine my surprise when the last thing I said was "your installer cut an un-needed hole in my cabinet'... her response seemed a little seizure induced and off topic. My appliance goddess went on to explain that due to Mike The Installer's need to wear jeans from the husky section, he need to cut a hole that was more accessible for him to complete my install and the the existing hole could not be reached. I logically responded "are there any smaller installers?" (I chuckled cause of my rhyme). "Maude" (as I've come to call her in my head) stated this time "Mike explained it all to me, that particular model of dishwasher won't allow for the other hole to be used". Now which one is it Maude?!?! Is Mikey too big or is the dishwasher too advanced? That pissed me off even more because now, fresh on the heels of my interaction with a post-pubescent power hungry juvenile with a blue polo shirt... I now had to deal with "Maude the Liar". I scheduled the appointment and requested a leprechaun to install my dishwasher, but I'm guessing big Mike will show up. I'll find out today whether or not he can't fit in that hole... I WILL FIND OUT.

Love yall,

D-Ron

Softwear

As winter rolls into Arizona I have come to realize that I am becoming increasingly sensitive to the weather.

When I was a kid I could run out in the street playing football on christmas break wearing shorts and a windbreaker. In those days the number of layers of clothes you wore directly correlated to the level of strength you possessed as a human being. The less layers, the tougher you were. Some kids would just play football naked in the street in 40 degree weather! Aside from making it a near felony to play two hand touch with these kids, it actually helped guarantee there would always be an ice cream truck near by.

As I walked out of my house this morning to 41 degree Tucson,az; I quickly realized that the soft-shell I hose to dawn this day was fashionable but insufficient in maintaining my bodies core temperature. I have my puffy, but how lake would I look then? I'd just be the grown up version of the little brother from "A Christmas story" easily pushed over into the snow for amusement due to my inability to stand up on my own.

So I stuck with the shell in the hopes that maybe if I could hide my shivers (or "hide ME shivers" for you pirates) long enough for someone to see me and notice how tough I was and hopefully give me a high five or something. Upon my arrival at the office, there were no such persons about... No high fives... No cheers congratulating me on my ability to brave the elements. How dissatisfied I was to know that my efforts would go unnoticed, am I not as tough as I once was? Has "old age" made me soft?

Perhaps my mountain HARDwear should be re-labeled darren's SOFT-wear.


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Con-verse-ation

Have we all forgotten how to interact verbally and in a respectful manner? I fear we have come full circle from being able to share poetic verse (the root of conversation) to just arguing until we feel we have won.



Our most recent political session in this country has proven a few things to me, mainly that we as human beings are very passionate about things we believe we can control and that effect our way of life... Also that we tend to go on the offensive when said way of life is threatened.

As an avid baseball fan I shall engine the power of the AL east analogy once again. A Yankee fan can argue all day that the Bronx Bombers should be able to how ever much of their own money they like to obtain any player they like to reach the goal of a world series victory. Through lack of conversation skills, there is nothing you can say to the opposite point of said Yankee fan as they simply will tune you out and stand firm on this position (btw: I'm a Yankee fan).

Now the stated principal holds true with our "friends" the red sox fans who will stop at nothing to ensure they are viewed as Luke to the Yanks "vader" persona. This happened quite a bit in the political climate as of late with politicians applying rules of engagement that focused on offensive measures to make the other opponent look bad as opposed to spending time explaining (or conversing) about what they would do to make our country "better". The offensive strategy flowed down to the voter and resulted in individuals arguing in public forums, friendships being damaged and worst of all... The uneducated biased voter (ubv) emerged. Many people I fear may have votes for a candidate based on their negative feelings towards their competitor; "they voted for Obama-care" or "they're a racist". All of these negativity and hate based decisions cause a rift in our society (which is great for business across media, retail, stocks,etc. But that's another story) and could all he avoided by engaging in conversation in its truest form.

Challenge: Take time to listen to someone else and their point of view... And then don't say anything to counter their point. Ask them questions to determine why they feel the way they do... You may both learn something.

This is the beginning of my quest to bring back conversation and to hopefully put up a little piece of a bridge between this broken apart framework of a country. It may be a losing battle, but I'll listen.


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Ode to sneeze

Since I awoke this morning I have been unable to contain the rapid rush of air and fluid from my nostrils... The dreaded "sneeze" has haunted me for at least 4 hours now.

At first I was upset, then frustrated but now I've accepted and come to relish the anticipation of the sneeze. This swell of high pressure before the hurricane of histamine is becoming akin to the last mile of a marathon; the most pain one can endure before a release. The sneeze helps me to feel alive. Every expulsion of air at high speed brings me closer to realization that any one single breathe could be my "mucusy" last.

Take a deep breath with me and stare at a bright light in the hopes that you may get to experience the amazing joy of a sneeze that may in fact bring you closer to god, and leave a wet mark on your elbow.


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Get used to it

Have you ever been forced to make some sort of life change that you thought would be impossible? Forced to work with someone you don't like? Take a pill every day? Get a smaller car? Live without a pet or loved one? It seems so impossible at first but we as humans are surprisingly resilient to major change... Like the ice age, or the dark ages... Or president Bush (pick one).

If you find my title for this post insensitive I apologize as I only mean to propose that given a little time we can get used to anything.

I remember

Thinking I would never be able to eat 6-10 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, after a few weeks i would start to feel weird not having that much produce. I never thought I could live without my dog buster. He was amazing and loving and irreplaceable to this day. As the days wore on I felt that I could tap into the memories I had of buster and hose would start to fill that void left by his passing.

I have since established that life WILL go on with or without me, and as long as I keep on going with it I can get through anything and life itself will get easier by perception because we've gotten USED to living.

So you thunk your life is tough? Just get used to it.



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It is time... to give 110%

You know that "big change" you've been waiting on doing for the "right time"? Well I'm here to let you know that the time has arrived. It is now time to stop pretending that timing is what is stopping you from achieving that goal you have set aside for yourself and either work at it starting NOW... or just give up.

Now I know that giving up sounds like a bad thing, but seriously giving up on something unrealistic or unachievable can be smart and therapeutic. If your goal is to climb the outside of the Empire State building for instance... GIVE UP. If you are trying to quit smoking however, you should probably go throw out your cigarettes or give them to some kid who looks like he needs a hobby. Essentially I would implore you to use your nugget when actually deciding whether to give up on your dreams.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to tackle the subject of trying to achieve said goals. remember that you can only do what you CAN do, no more or less. You can choose to do less than you are actually capable of (like when you girls go out to Starbucks in Victoria Secret sweat pants and Uggs) but you cannot do more consciously than you are capable of doing. Please stop using the phrase "I'll give it 110%", it's not mathematically possible and I feel this phrase is a huge part of America's youth growing up stupid and expecting to be rewarded for not being able to do things they couldn't do if they actually COULD give more than a full effort. When the chubby kid (who should be playing goalie) is asked to play forward but consistently gets winded will trying to out run the defender gets a "you gave it 110%" from his coach/father... he not only believes that you can actually provide more than the actual value of an item (credit problems anyone?) but also thinks that he should get an "atta boy" every time he under performs.

As I continue my thoughts on my impending fatherhood, I can only hope that the world will start to embrace more realistic expectations as well as accurate descriptions of effort given to reach said goals.

Thanks. rant over.

Make it Rain

As the thunder and lightening pound away the rhythm of my Saturday evening, the rain washes away just about everything that is wrong with the world (though apparently politicians float).

I sit here and wonder... that's it, just WONDER. I wonder about life, love, and what my dogs are thinking. What will Dolly (my bull dog mix) be thinking in a couple of months when my wife actually starts showing physical signs of her pregnancy? Will she be jealous? Maybe I'm just using the rain as an excuse to think about all of the insignificant things that I'm worrying about as the little life starts to grow inside my lady.

I have no real reason to be afraid. We both have great jobs,supportive families and an amazing group of friends. Where does the nervousness come from? I'm not afraid my child will be like me... I'm worried they WON'T be like me. I'm worried someone somewhere will steer them down the wrong path and I won't be able to save them. What if they think I'm lame? What if they don't listen? What if I just suck at being a dad and can't even clean it right?

All of the above questions are essentially rhetorical as there is not only no real wrong answer... but no answer. My parents most likely asked themselves the same questions prior to my birth and were most likely still confused as to my future as I walked across the stage at my college graduation. I guess I just wanted to wonder, think... hypothesize. What do you do while it rains?

Love ya,

D-Ron

Letter to "my" Bike Thief

To whom it may concern,

I apologize for the vague description of your identity in the salutations of this letter, but unfortunately we have yet to have been formally introduced.

As a follow up to the transaction that occurred in my front yard on the evening of September 12, 2010; I hope you were satisfied with the level of service provided to you. I know that you could have chosen any of 8 other townhouses in my complex to steal a bike from and I am very flattered and appreciative of your decision to steal from me. I'd like to take this opportunity to provide you with some information regarding the bicycles that are now in your possession (being that we were not able to communicate at the time of the transaction).

The late 80's model Huffy mens 10 speed road bike has some interesting "querks". The clean blue color and rear wheel "book rack" are great compliments to the versatility of the shifting devices of that time period. Shift with care as only 3 of the gears actually work while the others will just cause your feet to pedal freely with absolutely no result. About 2 weeks ago I replaced the front brake pads with graphite based sand paper and over oiled the mechanism which should cause the bike's front wheel to catch fire with the use of the front brake at around 10 mph, this is just a theory however though i believed it would look cool.

As for the early 2000's model Diamondback "hybrid" which shifts like a dream and bears the same "electric blue" as the Huffy, you should be mindful of the true owner of the bicycle. I "procured" this bicycle at a party about a year ago. There was a poker game and a rather large, angry and broke man wanted some "house credit" so he could attempt to win his money back. I offered to front the mean man his cash in exchange for his bicycle. After angry Joe (as I've come to refer to him) lost all of his money I rode away proudly on his bicycle as he yelled out to me vowing to "beat the ass of anyone he see's riding that bike". I guess I should thank you for taking this one off my hands because he recently found out where I live.

Once again I apologize for not formally introducing myself on the evening of which you chose to rob me of one of the small joys in my life. Had I known of your intentions I could have unlocked the bikes, sparing you from using what appears to have been an old rusty hack saw to shred through my krypotonite "indestructible" series bike lock. I hope you enjoy the ride!

Sincerely,

darren

Craigslist etiquette

I'm sitting at my house waiting for someone to show up and look at the washer and dryer I've posted on craigslist less than an hour ago. That's a pretty quick turn around right?

Meanwhile, I'm getting text messages and emails about the set even though my add clearly states to call me if you are interested. This got me thinking about a set of "unwritten" rules that should exist for the craigslist community. Hopefully you agree with my list, as I am very passionate... But feel free to add in your opinions.

1) respond as requested to respond. If it says call... Then call. Email requests generally should be answered with an email. Only "choose your own adventure" if a specific form of communication has not been requested. If there's a request to call... Be a big boy and call... Don't f-ing text because you get nervous talking to strangers.

2) smaller items need a public meeting place. I'm not coming to your house to buy your iPod. Meet me somewhere public so I don't have to worry that you might rape and mutilate me, only to end up in prison so you can kill yourself and write your ex-wife's name in blood on your cell wall.

3) this one is big... I WILL NOT SEND MY ITEM TO SOUTH AFRICA FOR SON WHO IS WANT THIS ITEM FOR SCHOOL AND IS INTEREST IN PAY DOUBLE ASKING PRICE PLUS COST FOR SHIP HIM IN SCHOOL.


Hope you guys like this list... Looks like the guy who wants to see my washer/dryer is here. He must need that machete to cut the twine to tie them to the roof of his GEO. Later!


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Vibram Five Fingers.... SOCCER!!

Ok... This day 1 of week 2 review is following my first attempt at kickin' the 'ol ball around in my fancy KSO's. Here's how it was:

AMAZING! I couldn't believe the control I had over the ball, combine with the speed I was able to pick up in full sprint. After getting used to having no spikes, I had a softer touch then ever before. My passes were crisp and my power kicks had movement that I hadn't been able to achieve in the past. My foot was in complete control of the ball.

I know my toes will be sore from my first session of sprinting, but I can definitely anticipate future five finger football in my future! (too many "F"s?)

Vibram Five Fingers KSO Review (Day 2; Week 1)

So the wife and I took a little trip to visit some family for the weekend and I decided to only pack my VFFs and my Simple Gumshoes. On my first full day with the fam I decided to rock the VFFs exclusively. So from 7am until about 5pm they were on my feet... here's how it went.

Trips to the coffee shop and grocery store were amazing. I felt extremely relaxed and energized which I feel was do in large part to my already slightly corrected posture and the freedom of a "barefoot" walk. I ran with my nephew, helped with a yard sale, and even walked my brother's dog. The was an extremely exhausting afternoon. By about 2:30pm I was passed out on the couch watching Scooby Doo with my nephew.

When I awoke about an hour later my pinky toes were KILLING ME! I have never had any real pain/soreness in what I would have considered my least useful appendage, but considering that my body now relied on my pink toes for balance and stability while barefoot... it made sense that these little piggies were getting a work out. I considered the pinky toe pain to be a "good" pain as it was obvious that parts of my foot were being worked that would not normally receive athletic attention. The VFF is definitely starting to train my foot and posture... stay tuned for Day 3!

Vibram Five Fingers KSO Review (Day 1; Week 1)

I have been intrigued by the Vibram brand in one way or another for a few years now. From the amazing rubber that hold my foot on the rock to the Five Finger "crazy shoe". As an avid runner I have recently started to come across numerous fellow runners who have stressed the importance of building hip, calf and foot strength to endure longer distance with less fatigue. One of the most accepted ways to train said areas of the lower body is to run/work out BAREFOOT. Now I have definitely tried taking a stroll barefoot 1 or two times... a day, since I am quite find of having no shoes on. I have never tried to run barefoot, until a few weeks ago.

My first and only barefoot running experience occurred at a park near my home in the lush green grass. "It's just grass..." I told myself almost scoffing at mother nature only moments before she started to torture my nether regions with an assault I had never know while running in shoes. Now I know why I call them BLADES of grass.

So as any good neurotic would do I went back to my research and discovered that my above circumstance was almost the exact reason that the Vibram Five Finger "shoe" was developed. With these fancy toe socks I would be able to engage my feet and legs as nature intended (allegedly) and not feel as intense a pain in my supple and angel like skin that adorn the pads of my feet. So after many try on sessions and review reading I decided that the Five Finger "KSO" was the model for me. With an adjustable strap and nylon top to the shoe, these would be adjustable and provide a little protection from pebbles that have lost their way and ended up in my heel. So today I went and purchased the KSO in "REMIX" Red.

I enjoyed a walk up the street and around the block with my dogs and was enamored by the amount of texture I was able to feel and experience in the VFFs. Only after about 1/2 a mile did I start to feel the soreness or "raw" feeling in the pads of my toes. As soon as I was home and back onto the wooden floor that I was accustomed to walking barefoot on, the pain and raw feeling was gone, just as if I had just come home and kicked off my shoes.

I am continuing to wear them as I type this and I will try and update on my progression through the recommended break in period. I am fairly certain I will have a bit of soreness tomorrow but so far I am excited with my new found connection with the outside through my feet.

Sunset on a day

The day is over and you've laid down for your evenings rest. What is the first thing that comes to mind as your body prepares for slumber? Do you recap the day, or plan for tomorrow?

I ponder the last most beautiful image I saw and try to imagine what life would be like if I could only relive that scene for eternity... Today's wasn't bad. Love yall!





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New Climbing Shoes

So I'm in the beginning stages (first 3 hours climb time) of my brand new Scarpa Booster climbing shoe. Let me tell you that I do not remember a break in for a shoe being so painful... and SOOO worth it!

Unfortunately I have the bad luck of having one foot slightly larger than the other (like most people I guess) and I have one foot that feels amazing while the other is on fire after the first 10 minutes in these shoes. Besides the pain these shoes really perform. Great edging with amazing toe and heel hooking grip, I just can't wait for these to be completely ready to go for a nice 5 hour bouldering session.

If you want performance in a shoe... these are great! If you want a comfy "marathon" shoe that you can lounge around in, skip them. Overhung problems and routes are no problem for these guys and I have never felt like I feet that could hold my weight upside down by themselves until I found these.

Look to the Booster if you want the La Sportiva Solution but your foot and heel just don't seem to fill in the dead space in the shoe. Happy Climbing!

Peanut butter and jelly

Peanut butter is probably the most amazing edible gushy substance on earth, but who thought to brung jelly to the party?

We all know the early of sandwich invented the sandwich, but wikipedia has no real info as to whom was responsible for pairing the gelatenous remnants of smashed fruit with our friend peanut butter. I want to know who this is so I can send a thank you note. Can you help me?


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Candlestick guy was a dick!

I find myself sitting in my car waiting for the electrician and thinking about the "be our guest" scene in Beauty and the Beast ( the Disney version).

Remember the singing teapot and candle stick? The well choreographed kitchen and household utensils frolicking in perfect synchronization with the music, drawing you in to the story effortlessly. All I could ever think while this was all going on was how extremely flamable the candlestick guy was and how it was with total disregard for everyones safety (especially mr clock) for him to bounce and spin spraying hot wax about the room like Mardi GRAS beads onto the necks of the youthful spoons and teacups... CANDLSTICK GUY WAS A DICK!!!


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An important meeting

I typically spend a decent chunk of my day in meeings that are essentially about having meetings. After approximately 1 hour of stating facts and current status, we typically move into an hour of complaining about the things that are causing us trouble (since none of it is our fault). Our final 20 minutes is usually spent confirming when we will next meet to discuss what we weren't able to clear up and/or rectify in this meeting.

I'm not really sure I we can ever be a truly productive society if this is the level o effectiveness we strive for. There has always been an understanding that in this country we work more than individuals in other countries, but are we really working? Or do we just spend more time at work?


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Can't buy love, but you can still play Mario

In all my time on this planet I've learned that just about any mood, feeling or disposition can be calmed and/or rectified by a quick game of Super Mario. As I prepare to join my significant other in our almost nightly ritual of de-stressing while jumping over Goombas and Koopa-Troopas, I decide to pause for a moment and try to figure out exactly why this "game" is so effective at calming the soul (you're already singing the song aren't you?).

There really isn't much to my theory other than the fact that playing a game that mindlessly guides you through the classic battle of good and evil may actually give you a temporary feeling of elation that the world is right and everything is going to be alright. We all fight our own "King Koopas" in order to rescue our "Princess". I personally have been fighting a battle against the minions of my King Koopa (day job) for years to save my Princess (music performance). I catch a glimpse of her or her servants in some form about every couple of days, but I have yet to be able to spend every day with her. Feel me?

What fills in your "Mario World"? And will you ever defeat King Koopa?

Why beating up girls AND Saves The Day ROCK!

Let me preface this post by stating that I in no way condone violence in 99.9% of situations, but we all know that sometimes there comes a time when someone gets a free pass to the "gun show" and what I'm about to describe is one such time. This is not for the faint of heart.

Let me take you back to me in second grade and a recess period in Mrs. Robbin's class at Fort Lowell Elementary school. I'm outside in the sunshine enjoying the prime spot on the playground that I had to sprint from the front door of our classroom to obtain. What prime spot you ask? Well, it was large tractor tire strategically placed in the center of the sandbox which while inside provided me with a secluded space to "play" with my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures (specifically Donatello and Raphael).

As I am just settling in for a long battle with the Shredder and his Foot Clan, a young lady by the name of Candy poked her head into my world of make believe like a hurricane through south Florida. Now anyone who knows me well understands that I am not what you would call a "big and tall" individual by any means, at least measure I was 5'7" and approximately 145 lbs.. now imagine me as a second grader. Candy was quite my opposite being at least 5' 5" and 150 lbs... IN SECOND GRADE!! With one swoop of her tree trunk like arms she had quickly snatched away Raphael and pushed me to the ground with not even verbal insult. I was left in the sand alone and crying for only a moment before I decided that despite our significant size difference... I was going to get back my Raphael at ANY cost.

I sprinted through the sand to where Candy stood with my plastic friend, waving him through the air as though he were a plane; didn't she understand that turtles cannot fly? I confronted her and stated "GIMMEE MY TURTLE!", to which she replied no. I could see there was simply no reasoning with Candy and without hesitation I quickly swing with a right cross in the general direction of her head, but landed directly on her throat causing her to instantly drop Raphael and gasp for air. I retrieved my fallen comrade from the sandy battle field and quickly ran to safety inside the tire, where I again cried.

I was quickly pointed out by the NARCs of the playground as an explanation as to why large Candy was in tears. In an attempt at playground conflict resolution Mrs. Robbins asked what happened to which Candy quickly explained "He took my ninja turtle and hit me!". THE NERVE! Not only had she stolen my manhood this day but decided to make an attempt at stealing my credibility. After a phone call to both of our parents it was easily sorted out whom was the rightful owner of the prize plastic turtle, though I would not get it back until the end of the day I had won. Now the task was put on Mrs. Robbins to decide how to punish a second grader who so obviously was in the wrong but had declared himself as a righteous defender of all that is good and protected many smaller children from Candy's wrath in the future.

I was charged with assault and sentenced to 5 minutes of time out during lunch recess of which I had to count out by myself. Being that we had not covered how many seconds were in a minute in our curriculum... this came out to 30 minutes of time out and my counting to 10 over and over and over.

So where does Saves The Day come in? Well every time I find myself recollecting of that fateful day in second grade, the ONLY song that pops in my head is 'Rocks Tonic Juice Magic' on Saves The Day's album Through Being Cool. Try playing that track now and you'll see what I mean.  To all my homies out east, check them out this next month, and you Hollywood bros get ready for STD at the House of Blues on 3/18/10.

Love you guys!