3 steps to getting what you want inside of you.

There are only a few things in this world worth getting frustrated and distraught over: one of them is the physical and emotional well being of a loved one, the other is what you are about to put in your stomach. I'm not talking about making sure you eat healthy, or cut back or increase your meat or grain consumption. I am more concerned with the actual decision making process with which you engage to choose your edibles.

I spend hours upon hours of my week trying to determine what I am about to put inside my body and I've come up with a 3 step system on how to best reach your ultimate goal of consumption of a food item.

1) Decide what genre you are looking to indulge in. Italian? Mexican? Eclectic American? Just choose a general area of culinary practice (this is especially helpful when cooking at home as it will help you narrow down the limited number of ingredients you may have in your household). Once you have discovered the "ethnicity" of the food that has peaked your appetite steps 2 and 3 will come extremely easy. DO NOT try and mix your areas of the world on one plate; this will get too complicated and it is always confusing when you aren't sure how to put your chow mein noodles inside of a tortilla with guacamole.

2) Choose your palette: Sweet, spicy, savory, salty... Don't lie to yourself if you want something sweet there are ways to make this occur on your dinner plate without having a slice of chocolate cake for dinner. If you want something spicy you can pretty much ad hot sauce to any dish you can think of. Using our chocolate cake reference, I will endorse the use of salt, but I would advise against Franks Red Hot as it completely covers up the taste of the frosting and on "the other end" feels a little like passing the fixin's of a gingerbread house that caught fire because the gingerbread man just had to light one up after a nice three-way session with Hansel and Gretel (they're just kids!)

3) Decide on your eating technique for this meal. Do you want finger food or anything that will require using your hands? One utensil meals are nice and easy clean up will obviously influence this decision. Bear in mind that you should not to use a steak knife and a spoon only as it will be a very bloody mess... more so if you like your steak rare.

I know you're skeptical as to how my process will help you, but just give a try tonight or tomorrow and you'll find that not only is it effective... but very thorough.

You can never win.

Please understand that I have absolutely no intention on breaking my silence from the electronic world with a pessimistic social commentary that will ultimately leave everyone hating themselves or others, or both... but I can't help who I am so here goes.

1) OBAMA IS NOT A SOCIALIST: Whether you like him or not, please look up the definition of socialism and you will quickly be able to understand that based on his educational record, the path he's chosen as a human, and he's accepting of the position of President of the U.S.A... he cannot be a socialist. Nor is the U.S. anywhere near becoming a socialist country as it has traveled too far darn the path of the righteous to ever go back. Please try to find a more fitting insult for our President that will hopefully not give away your ignorance so quickly.

2) DON'T TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY: You are not the supreme chancellor of all organized sports and you do not have the right to throw your beer at me just because I'm wearing a Yankee hat. It's a sport, a form of entertainment. Please don' insult your mother by showing the world that you are more apt to engage in fisticuffs over a blown call from a referee than to protect your fellow countrymen in battle, or your significant other from the sexual advances of "Moe" the bartender with the glass eye and the smell of whiskey mixed with corn dogs permanently surrounding his person.

3) WATCH THE FUCK OUT: You are not the only person on the planet therefore your lack of care while behind the wheel of your 2 ton death machine is not appreciated. Please don't yell at me or throw your slushee at me as I pedal down the road next to you in my designated lane. Never again park at a 4-way stop just because you're being nice enough to let me go... it's annoying. Please read your drivers ed manual so that you may understand that the flashing red light means to act as though it's a stop sign. You don't not have to continue your parked formation 45 seconds after the pedestrian has crossed the street as traffic backs up behind you.

4) I DON'T CARE: This most likely my own problem but I'll finish up with it so you all can go about criticizing me. I don't really care about your relationship with your great aunt or your pomeranian. I've never seen you before in the 50 times I've come to this dog park. I'm here for my dogs, so I can enjoy them and the other four legged (in some cases 3 legged) animals that are way more humanistic than even the dhali lama will ever be. So please cease to explain your current romantic life because I don't even care if you make it out of the parking lot alive, much less if your boyfriend is going to pick up his messy dishes from the quiche he "tried" to make last night to make up for cheating on you with the girl you thought was your friend even though you should know that real friends would not have taken your shimmery gold tights that you got on sale at American Apparel... that bitch.

Love you guys.

What..No call?

It's not that hard to do:

You say you'll be somewhere so just show up. If you can't make it then call. I don't understand how people can continue to be inconsiderate of others and their obligations. I may set aside any amount of time to have an interaction with someone and if they do not render me the same courtesy, everything is ruined.

Sure you could have had an emergency that would have prevented you from attending our "date", but can't you find some way to let me know? Tell the ambulance driver my name and number; better yet, if you are traveling in an unsafe way like walking, riding a bike, driving a car or flying then just pin a note to our chest that says where you are going and who you are going to meet.

Ok I just invented something amazing. It will be a little pouch that you wear around your waste that can hold your wallet, keys, phone and a little note that reads "on my way to see darren, please let him know I had to cancel if you find me dead". I'll call it "The pouch full of stuff you should have remembered but didn't care enough to take care of before you left your house"...or "Fanny Pack". What do you think?

My My O-My

LOOK! Up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane, it's... a dude with a mo-hawk on wall street?

I remember my mo-hawk...I rocked to my job at Geico because no one else had one and it was "indie" or "punk" and I was different; then like a week later two other guys had one and a chick shaved her head.

It seems like everyone can rock the hawk now. So what is to be used as the shocking stand out visual? Tattoos won't cut it any more (I mean come on...I have tattoos so it can't be that crazy). Piercings are slowly becoming less crazy...

Perhaps just being a normal dude is the way to make someone take a second look. I'll give it a try some time but I'm not sure how good I'd be at pulling off normal. What is your way of making people notice you? Is being the stand out bad ass a far gone conclusion for this chubby mexican to aspire to?

The world is out to get you...

I realized today that everyone thinks that the world is against them and that the grass is always green on the other side. My co-workers want raises. My bosses want less work so they can go home to their families. My friends want to hang out more or less or do things that they want to do. Everyone wants to win the lottery or get famous.

What happened to being happy as yourself? Just going with the flow and having a blast while doing it? I feel that if we could all take a second and realize that our lives are not perfect and that we are gonna have bad times mixed in with the good, we my be able to get past the idea that our lives suck. You're alive and that is allot more then some people have. You have freedom in this country and people in other countries die trying to get that freedom. So lets take a second and be happy for what we have. Relax on a monday night and go to Plush in Tucson to check out my show FOR FREE! Or your life will just suck.

Round Up!

In a perfect world you’d be able to wake up every morning and do what it is you love with whom ever you wish (or alone) and in perfect weather. A simple stroll down the street would bring you more joy than that holiday bonus. In this world you’d be able to wave at your neighbor without letting your inner monologue express your distaste for his/her lifestyle choice.

Why isn’t our world this “perfect”?.. it’s because we feel the need to belong. At the core of every single social and moral value we as human beings possess, we ultimately need to feel a part of something greater. Human beings are a social creature, constantly seeking out and using our energy towards being part of the correct “herd”. Most every decision we make can be traced back to and directly associated with our “need” to fit in, even if we don’t realize it. When you pick up that apple at the grocery and place it in your basket, you may think; “I want an apple”; but the base of this thought stems from your belief that this apple is to be consumed as food because that is what people do.

When someone has a strong opinion about a subject like owning a weapon, his/her opinion is enforced by his social group; but as part of this “tribe” it’s members feel threatened and move to defend any threat to their views at all costs. How can someone who believes in keeping the US Government and it’s laws out of local and personal issues, also believe that they should have the power in preventing someone across the country from getting married? Why does some that believes in keeping “your laws off my body” feel the need to tell others that they cannot smoke in a public place? Humans tend to fight for that which they hold most dear and are willing to sacrifice their views on a less significant view for the sake of winning said battle, no matter how trivial.

So how do we win? We don’t. We will always feel the need to defend our herd at all cost. You may think “Darren, are you upset at America? Do you want to move?”; I am not. I love my country because I can say these things. The only thing I have grown to hate is the increased sensitivity of my fellow Americans. If you do not like what I have to say, walk, drive, limp or roll away. I’ll extend the same courtesy to you. There is nothing within the boundaries of this country and our bonds as citizens that we cannot handle in a civil manner. If you aren’t breaking any laws or physically harming anyone…I hope you continue on doing what you’re doing. That’s what this country is about right? It’s not about right and left or conservative and liberal. I wish we could break out of our labels and groups but unfortunately the Shepard dogs of MEDIA and POLITICS have successfully herded us into our pens as we await our cultural slaughter at the hands of…ourselves.

Ninjas!!!

SO in my last little rock star trip to Vegas I encountered 3 amazing things:

1: Some of the best bouldering I've ever seen in my life. Got to hit the cube and just about everything else in the main arena. I must say that a 40 foot boulder should be considered a "really high ball".

2: A great bar in downtown vegas called The Griffin. Not only did this place feel like where the knights of the round table would watch the super bowl... but it had a bar tender that knew how to pour a greyhound for someone's birthday.

3: An urban Ninja. I didn't actually see this but my ho and my bro were driving around shopping and happened to see this "thuggish ruggish" dude walking around with a freakin samurai sword!!! SWEET!!!

Now lets think about this for one quick second. If you are walking around Vegas in the middle of the day with a big ass sword... what could you possibly be doing? I could only come up with the following posisbilities: you are looking for that mother fucker that stole your wallet why you were sleeping at that party last night where for some reason more people spoke japanese than english ; you have finally come to the realization that there can be only "one" and you are on a quest to find a bunch of other dudes with swords so you can chop of their heads ; you are on your way to meet a guy after responding to his craigslist ad which mentioned a massage and you aren't really feeling safe right now trading a massage for a pink iPod.

So can you guys think of any other possibilities for carrying a sword around vegas in the middle of the day? GO!

Some fun stuff to listen too...

So hopefully most of my close friends have already found my blog...if not... HURRY!

Today I decided to touch on the things I love to listen to.

1) New music...I mean really new. Something I've never heard from an artist I've never heard of. This type of stuff really gets me excited to write music and also makes me want to share this new music with my friends whether it's good or bad. I just love to get feed back on this new stuff I've heard as it helps build opinions of my friends which I can use for later judgment.

2) The Rain: ok seriously... rain drops hitting the roof are so relaxing and though thunder and lightning can be freaky, I love when the power goes out and all that's left is some wine...a couple candles, and someone that closely resembles my wife by candle light (grrrr).

3) People complaining. This is the weird one that made me want to type this. I LOVE hearing people bitch about stuff that 9/10 times does not matter. Example: I heard this woman freaking out about people driving too fast in the work parking lot. She had so many arguments that seemed so rational to her but sounded completely insane to me, thus making me laugh which is why I enjoy this.

4) My inner monologue. I am pretty funny on the inside. Some times I tell myself (internally of course, I don't walk around saying "self, blah blah"...then I'd be crazy.).. I tell myself a little joke or something funny like "dude check out that crazy chick talking about speeding in the parking lot...you should go hand her a twinkie and then walk away without saying anything...wait, do you have a twinkie? Whatever happened to twinkies? I feel like I haven't seen one in a while. Dude, check out that crazy chick...""... is that weird to tell myself that?

How about you? What do you listen to? Or who/what do you try not to listen to?

You're a loser...

At what point do you realize that you are constantly a disappointment to your friends, family, and the entire human race? You can't hold a job, you treat everyone like crap, you assume assume assume assume...and most importantly I can't stand you.

Some day you'll wake up and realize that you can't just fuck with people's emotions in such a way that leaves us hanging by a thread wondering what you're going to do next; only to show us exactly how anti-climatic our wait was. Please just do me a huge favor and go away...for real. Don't just disappear for a while and show up in a couple months remorseful over the wrongs that you've done. I want you gone and I want you gone now.

Love ya guys! Hope this inspires you to open up a can of "leave me alone" on someone you dislike.

You catch more bees with an old wooden shed...

SO I had freakin bees at my house and it was putting a huge red light at the intersection where my new "remodeled" house meets my old 50's house with bad plumbing. I had to get rid of the bees that appeared to be coming from underneath on of the storage sheds that my grandfather erected to house all of my mother's most "prized possessions" (like my old ass clothes and report cards from some grade where "e" was the best rating you could receive).

I called the "BEE MASTER" who apparently will come and hot box the hole where the bees are for $125... and then he can actually remove the honey comb for $25 per 15 minutes it would take him to take it away. After inspecting the hive the Bee Master concluded that the floor of the shed must be removed for successful "treatment" to occur. So now I have to get my pack rat mother to come clean out her storage shed so I can get rid of the bees so I can get some mexicans to come and tear down the shed that I don't want because it has bees in the first place.

This is where the cool stuff happens. While mother, my wife and my father are all at my house cleaning out the shed; my wife removes a box which subsequently tips over and out spills a multitude of sexual instruction books that apparently were my mother's (FUCK!). My wife proceeds to send the picture to my brother and to make sure we are adequately uncomfortable, and that sends me into a stir that concludes with all 4 (four) storage shed being torn down along with our entire brick wall...

 

Who let the dogs out?

I walk out to my living area and there sitting on the couch awaiting my embrace is Dolly, my socially challenged bully basset with a heart of gold and complete disregard for her physical well being. 

I've grown to love this dog even more as of late since she had fell ill on Monday and had to go 36 hours with no food and hooked up to an IV for fluids. I've never seen so much pain and sadness in a dogs eyes, and it tore me up. She is pretty much just like me; she eats fast, speaks too loudly and too much, gets really excited around her friends and family, loves running around, and prefers all the attention to be on her. 

Then there's Pablo. I'm not really sure Pablo is even a dog, perhaps an alien (my wife's hypothesis) but I think the most likely scenario is that he is a little many in a furry suit. He is just like The Muff (my wife) in that he prefers "Chill-axin" to almost any other activity on earth, likes being alone with his thoughts and gets really annoyed with Dolly or me. I'm 100% certain that these 2 dogs were the only two dogs on Earth that could fit in our family the way they do, and I'm very happy that we have them. 

So why do we like dogs so much? How did they become "man's best friend"? What do they really want from us? All these questions strike me on an almost daily basis and I just wish that I could understand my "kids" on a deeper level in the hopes that I may be able to make them as happy as I have become with them.

My Music = YOUR Music

In the coming months I will be speaking with some of the youth of America on my song writing style, process, motivation, etc. I've been starting to think about what really goes into how I write a song and I've discovered that the way I write a song is correlated directly to my personality type.  (Good listening for this can be found at www.myspace.com/thebreakdownmusic)

I basically start with a mood: Any mood will do, IE when I feel angry I want to write about it; but here's where it gets crazy and my whole "chicken vs egg" argument is solved. I write my music FIRST, then lyrics. My determines the soundtrack that comes on in my head. I have this weird internal musical that is going 24/7, like the song I hear while I'm walking down the street. Sometimes it's a song that already exists, or the one playing in my Pod while running, but when that "original" one comes out I write. 

Once I've constructed the "mood music" I can now make a flailing attempt at formatting some sort of verbal language to explain my mood and the reasons that I feel the way I do or how/why someone else would feel this way. Then the band adds the punctuation and we have a song. 

Thinking about this made me think about how the song writing process occurs in every day life for me. Making breakfast is like a song being written; my mood determines what I want and then I express my desire in the form of a meal. Allot of times I just "play" a "cover song" by making cereal or oatmeal...but sometimes I scramble some eggs with some tofu and cheese and put it in some pita bread with hot sauce and I've created some weird new song that some people will love and others will hate. 

So how do you create music in your life?

Running Thoughts

As I was on my afternoon run today (BTW, totally tracked by the Runkeeper ap...if you run, get this) I started a thought process that would hopefully take my mind off of the scorching heat and help me to become mentally "centered" while I tortured my lower extremities.

The thought that popped into my head was that of a recent chain e-mail I had received from a "to remain unknown" relative.  The email went on to explain how Michael Richards "AKA Kramer" defended his off color remarks (in court) towards a certain ethnic group during one of his stand up routines. He stated that he was curious as to why when a white person uses a derogatory term towards another ethnic group (ex; "Beaner") it is considered racism, where as when an ethnic minority calls a white person a "cracker" it is not. He continued on with these examples and it brought me to the following point: It is racist, we are all racist. I'll explain.

The difference between an ethnic minority using a disgraceful term towards the majority is that historically the majority has used such terms to bring said ethnic groups down, while the minority group has used their converse "slurs" on the majority group to help bring the majority down to their level. It is merely semantics, but it ultimately made me think that over all as Americans we tend to complain too much. 

If you don't like how someone treats you, then avoid them. I have strong feelings towards our right to free speech in this country and I guard it as my most sacred. I don't see why so many groups (conservative, liberal, white, black, short, tall) are constantly trying to change another group to make themselves feel more included. Just live your life and try to do what you believe is the right thing and do not press your beliefs on others. What's so wrong with that? If you don't like people that hate your group of people, avoid them... and vice versa. Anyhow. I'm gonna go eat...tell me what you think.

Love ya. 

D 

Service v. Quality

The most recent "quarrel" between Mr. Slade and I brought about what I thought to be a quite interesting understanding of myself and what I find important.

When you are out at an eatery (fast food, 5 star or otherwise) what is more important to you; service or quality of food?

I used to think that it was a combination of both until one day I had the most horrible service experience of my life at a Subway that culminated in the sheriff's department almost being called and my receiving 12 free foot-long subs (didn't have to pay five...five five dollars...five dollars for my foot long!).

At this point I realized that I don't really expect much out of my food establishment, just food that doesn't taste like my ass and no spit or poison in it. Service on the other hand is key. I hate waiting an unnecessarily long amount of time (especially at fast food places) and I despise people that can't be polite or courteous even when they are being paid to. It's really not that hard to smile when you call #344 and hand me my tray of re-heated potatoes and sandwich with un-evenly spread out condiments. Say "hi" when I walk in, seat me with enthusiasm and check up on me a reasonable amount of times (but not too many because I will slap you if you interrupt my story about my friends method of birth control one more time!); and DO NOT sit down in the booth next to me like we are buddies and you just want to hang out and get my order and chat for a sec (we both know this an excuse for you to sit your lazy ass down at a time that is not your scheduled break). 

So, What do you think? Service or Quality? GO!

Tequila!!

So here's a nice relaxing blog to start your weekend...

I just took a shot of Tequila which I'm currently chasing with a Pacifico...I also happen to be Mexican so it's strange that this is an event for me. The most odd part of this evening is the food I'm about to consume... Papa Murphy's Pizza.

This is an entire pizza chain that does everything but cook and deliver your pizza. They call this phenomenon "take and bake". I can't really figure out why anyone would pay to cook their own food, but apparently someone voted them the best pizza chain in America so I figured it was about time I tried it. Have you tried this? Is it good?

Here is what I expect:

The pizza will taste just like any other store bought frozen or refrigerated pre-made pie while costing a little more but you miss out on sitting on your couch watching Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends while waiting for a 17 year old kid to show up an hour and a half after you've ordered your dinner explaining only that he "got lost" and that's why he couldn't find your house.

I hope that it's the best pizza I've ever had and that I can quickly jump on this bandwagon of the "take and bake world" thus eliminating two things I hate most about delivery joints which is: Crappy Service and tipping for said service. I can't stand that to date the two best pies I've had in my home town have also been couple with the the two worst service experiences I've ever had, I'd love to just eliminate the need to trust someone with a "get rich quick" mind set to think about the customer rather than their own bank account. 

So wish me luck, I'll try to Twitter/Facebook/Yell out my window my review of this eatery so that those of you whom have yet to partake can benefit from my discovery/mistake. 

Love ya!

Trail Running/Approach shoes please!

Ok, 

SO I'm having issues picking a nice lightweight pair of trail runners with good rubber so I can use them as a moderate approach shoe as well. Please provide your suggestions. Here's what I've come up with so far:

La Sportiva Raceblades:

Apparently these are hard to come by because they are discontinued but I've heard great things about their weight and cushioning.

La Sportiva Crosslite:

These guys have come up in allot of discussions, never tried them on but I'd like to.

La Sportiva Exum PRO:

Everyone at my local shop says these are THE shoe to get. Tried them on and was not happy with the cushioning, a little stiff for my tastes. 

So now it's your turn...Can you please help me out to find a great shoe that I can do some short trail runs and approach the crag with? Thanks!!

Is this really important?

My first blog on here, and I want to make it count. 

I had an interesting discussion with a friend today in which I was told that I was an "ass", I did not refute this (what I consider) fact. I did however think about why I am the way I am. I've decided that I'm frustrated. 

I'm frustrated with individuals whom have decided that their opinion should just be considered "the way". Right and wrong frustrate me because these are relative terms associated with individual values and applied to a large group of people. 

I'm also frustrated with the entertainment industry which is basically force feeding content to us in a way that makes us believe that if it sounds good, it must really be bad and if "they" say it's true, it must be false. The media has been able to create mass hysteria and paranoia by focusing on negative aspects of society and finding only positive stories in overcoming the negative things that they tell us exist. 

SO here's the solution:

I'll steal this from a friend and modify it. An old saying goes "if everyone did it would it work?". If you follow this advice the world is supposed to be a much better place. The flaw lies in what your personal beliefs are. I believe that a more correct phrase would be "if you do it, who will be affected?". Focus on how your actions may or may not have an effect on other individuals and whether that effect is detrimental, and I think you'll find your self in a much happier place. 

I hope this wasn't too long winded for the first one. But ultimately I'm just another ass with a blog hoping that you may gain some understanding or at least provoke some thought that may help you to be a better you. 

Love ya.